When someone tells you that your goals are impossible, they’re not actually talking to you, they’re talking to themselves. Never let the limitations of others become your own. It’s too easy to let our minds be infected by the small thinking of others. Some folk just want to protect us. Others are just dickheads 🙂 If you’re not too careful, you’ll be dragged the wrong way…
HANDLING PEOPLE WHO CRITICISE YOUR GOALS
Hello folks, how you doing? Billy Farrell here. OK, let’s have a little chat about people who talk about your goals, the targets that you want to achieve, the goals that you want to achieve in your life, and other people who criticise those goals, bring those goals down and ultimately how to handle that, because do you know what? It’s not easy. I’ve been there many times. I’ll give you an example.
Last year about this time, it’s currently the beginning of January when you’ll be watching or listening to this. Last year, around about this time, there was a post that I had put on LinkedIn that had gone viral. It had 7 million views, something like 50,000 comments, sorry, 50,000 likes, and several thousand comments. Many of those comments were abusive, as you would expect, and I was quite excited about this. I spent several days in the house thinking about what I wanted to achieve in 2018.
Now, I am not new to this, I’ve been in business for 14 years. We bought 7-figure companies, 6-figure companies. I’ve had every car I’ve ever wanted. I do well in my life, right, I do well, and even still, I remember sitting this time last year and I went to see some family members. I’m close to my family and I went to see some family members and a very caring member of my family, she said to me, “I heard that you had put something on LinkedIn and people in my work were talking about it.” I said that’s right, it was a viral post, it had done really well. And she said to me, “Are you not worried?”, I said why would I be worried, she said, “Are you not worried that people are going to see it and judge you?” Okay, I kind of laughed that one off, and she said, “Do you not worry that if people know you’ve got money, they’re going to come after you? Are you not worried that people are going to judge you, criticise you, make up their mind about you? Are you not worried how you’re going to be viewed? How it’s going to reflect on the family?”, and I thought oh my God, this is depressing.
Then I made the mistake for hanging the subject on to what I was going to do in 2018, and this family member said, “Why can you not just sit at peace? Why can you not take it easy? Why can you not relax? Why do you have to be so intense all the time?”, and do you know what’s funny? I had that same conversation with that family member today. It was said to me, “You need to make time for rest.” My fulfilment, my rest, comes from the pleasure I get from pushing. Figure that one out. Last year when I had that conversation, I went to that house positive, I left that house down, negative, brain fried. What’s the point? I was just depressed by the chat, and it really got to me. It really got to me.
BASING YOUR POSSIBILITIES ON THEIR LIMITATIONS
Now, after 14 years in business, you would think that these things not only wouldn’t get to me, but you would think they probably wouldn’t happen. I mean for many folk watching this or listing to this who are just starting, you might have this idea in your head that it’s not going to be like this in 10 years time, when you’re killing it, making millions. Let me just tell you something, it doesn’t change. People are people, and here’s what you need to remember – other people will base your possibilities on their limitations. Other people will base your possibilities on their limitations. They’ll base what’s possible for you on past failures that they have endured, on times they have tried and messed it up, they’ll base what they think you can achieve on what they know they can. Now, folk in your life might look at you and be genuinely concerned. They’re genuinely wanting to look after your best interests. Well that’s fantastic that they think that way about you, but I mean hey, it’s your life. And the way I look at it is you only have one. As far as I’m aware you’ve only got one shot. You’ve got one chance at this. You could go tomorrow for all you know, and the way I want to live my life is to live every moment. That’s not always easy but I have, on my motorbike, I have a couple of motorbikes, on my Harley I have a big skull on the fuel cap, and people think it’s badass. It is badass, but the reason it’s there is to remind me of Memento Mori, to remind me that I am mortal. That one day I will die. And therefore the way I choose to my life is a no regrets basis, on the idea that even if I don’t achieve everything I want to achieve with my life, if I go out knowing that I gave it my all, and that I pushed and that I went for what I wanted in life then I wouldn’t have any regrets. That’s the way I choose to live my life. And when you surround yourself with either well meaning people in your life who just want the best for you, want to make sure you’re safe, want to protect you from hurt, or the dickheads, shall we call them, who are the ones who just say, “Aye, what are you talking about? You’re not going to be a millionaire. You’re not going to drive a car like that, don’t be ridiculous. You’re a painter for God’s sake, go and paint, you know, or who are are you to think like that?” And you’re going to get that as well.
POISONING YOUR MIND
Those people, the dickheads, shall we call them, that’s a nice word for it. I would usually call them something else. These people, you can’t get around poison like that. Poison like that literally will poison your mind, and if you listen to something long enough, you will start to buy into the ideas that other people are selling you. People are always trying to sell you their version of the world. When you stretch your comfort zone, your are automatically stretching the comfort zones of the people around about you. And they don’t always like that. So when you’re around folk who talk a certain language of perhaps, limitation, lack, frustration with their jobs, etc. Don’t be surprised if that starts to affect how you feel, to affect your mind. It’s like a movie. Do you ever watch a good film and it’s an emotional film, and when you’re watching it, you find yourself getting quite built up, sometimes teary eyed when you’re watching the film. Or let’s say you’re watching something violent and you’re watching a fight. You’re watching Vikings, and you know as a man, a red blooded man, I watch this shit and I’m like yes, come on. I’m loving it, or when people watch football they get caught up in the idea and I’m going to give you a very brutal example here, pornography, right, it’s designed to push certain buttons in the people who are watching. So these people who produce this content are masters of dictating how you should feel and think on any given moment, and you cannot help but be sucked into that. So when you are around people who are talking negatively and down about your goals and putting limits on what you can achieve, is it any wonder when you actually start to buy into it, start to believe it, start to question yourself, start to go in with a bit less intensity? And what’s worse is that we go out and we try and achieve a goal and we fail, if we try a second time, well we tend to tell a few less people, right? Or have you ever limited your goals based on past failures?
You set your goals. You go out to achieve it, and then you think “That didn’t work, maybe I aimed too high? Maybe I should reduce that target a little bit?” It’s not always a bad thing, it’s circumstantial, but a lot of the times people do it for the wrong reasons. The chances are, this is my experience with myself and others that I know and I’ve seen coming up, is that it’s not that they tried and failed, it’s that they didn’t put in the work, or they underestimated the amount of effort required to achieve the goal they said they were going to achieve. And then they say something like, “Oh this property thing doesn’t work.” No, you don’t fucking work. That’s the difference.
DON’T TALK BUSINESS WITH FAMILY
So how do we make sure that we set goals and then we actually stay on track to achieve those goals minus the good opinion of other people? Very, very simple. Don’t talk business with family.
You need to get a radar built in where you can start to determine who is actually giving you advice because they care and who is just a dickhead. That’s what we need to be able to detect. Who actually cares and who’s asking because they’re a dickhead? That’s what we need to know, and if we can get that radar built in, then good, but even the ones who tell you things because they care, that doesn’t mean they’re right. If they haven’t achieved that, if they’ve tried and failed, I wouldn’t say they’re the best source of advice. If they’ve tried it and achieved it, then listen to them, and then judge based on that.
So I’ll give you an example. We’ve got one of the swankiest pubs and night clubs in Glasgow and we’re silent shareholders in them. We were vocal about it previously but we’re silent now. We don’t take anything to do with the day to day business, but when we got this going, I remember asking a family member who had built up a lot of success in that industry as a manager and he said to me it’s going to take you years to get this to a good point. Years and years.
Now he has been successful at that and he’s telling me that it’s going to take years and years, and I listened. I took his advice. I took the advice that was relevant to me, the things that I would be able to put into play to make the thing work and give it the best chance of success, and then I discarded the rest and I looked for sources who could tell me how to make it work faster, people who had done it faster, who had been successful, and after a year and a half, it’s awesome It’s moving. It’s very very popular. It has its fair share of positive publicity, and also the usual bullshit that comes against it. We’ve got awesome people running it, it does very, very well, and that’s in a very very short space of time, because I was clever about who I listened to.
GET AROUND PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN YOU
Now, when you’ve got your goals in your life, here’s my number one bit of advice. Get around people who are more successful than you. They say surround yourself with positive and like-minded people. That’s great, the positive part anyway, the like-minded part. I’m going to tell you something, you’re already doing that. You’re already surrounded with like-minded people. Let that sink in for a little minute. Get around people who are where you want to be, who are more successful than you, go and become part of the right clubs and networking events. Go and meet the right people.
You don’t even have to meet these people in person, you can listen to them on audiobook, on podcast. You can read their stories and books. I mean, start taking in content that lights you up, that drives you forward and gives you a belief in possibility. If you do that, and you make sure that that is your focus, and you don’t get into it with people who haven’t done it, then you’re going to start to find your mind challenged more in the right direction. And if you get around people, if you change your peer group to be around people who are more successful, then I have done this many times and I’m always looking for people who are more successful than me and whenever I’m around them, I don’t want to be the smartest guy in the room. I want to listen, to learn, to take it all in like a sponge and use it. And I always want to challenge and pass the person I’m taking the advice from, which is just fun for me. But when I’m in a room where there’s people more successful than me. I need to make sure that when I talk, that I’m not looked at like you shouldn’t be in this room. When I talk, I need to make sure that based on the last time we were together, that this time I’ve actually got something to contribute. I want to be in the kind of rooms where when I leave, I think oh my God, I am playing so small. There is so much more to be achieved and I have not been tapping into it. That’s where I want to be, and when you’re around people who make you feel like that, who challenge you to more, let’s say you pay for mentorship, you get an accountability coach or someone in your life who holds you to that higher standard, always someone who has been successful in what it is you’re trying to achieve, then guess what?
You will be held to that higher standard, you will have your mind fixed on an opportunity rather than obstacle, and you will push forward towards your gaols. Whereas if you make the conscious choice to keep on surrounding yourself with people who limit your possibilities, if you surround yourself with people and talk business with people who have got no place talking business with you, then don’t be surprised when you continue to feel like maybe my goals just aren’t all that achievable. Guys, listen, if other people have done it, why not you? 36 million millionaires in the world. Why not you? If other people have been successful in what you’re trying to achieve, why not you? Why not you? That’s the way I look at it. Whenever I go to anything new, or I go to try something different, I look at who else has done this. Is there a market for it? Is this possible? How big can I go? Where are the challenges? Where can I create order from chaos? I go through all of these different things, and then I set relevant goals based on that, and then I push hard towards those gaols. And I speak the language of the people who I want to be around. I learn from the right people, you get the idea. So think about it guys. How are you colouring your mind? Hope this makes sense, I hope it helps. You cannot silence the naysayers, the critics, the dickheads, you cannot do it, but you can stop listening. You can stop being in an environment where you’re taking that content in, and you can start to do the exact opposite and be around the right people. That’s my advice. Hope it helps. If you enjoyed this, share it with someone who needs to hear it, and if you want more of this kind of chat, go to followbilly.com, you’ll find all of my social links, you’ll find the podcast link, I’d love to connect with you. Cheers.
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