“How do I get the attention of my market?” You’re asking the wrong question. You should be asking who do you need to become to be worthy of their attention? How do you need to be perceived to make them want to work with you?People follow people who are going somewhere. If you want to be that person, you need to establish yourself as an authority. Let’s discuss what it takes to be seen as a leader…
HOW TO BECOME A LEADER
In the market, in your family, in your business, you are a leader. That’s it. You’re a leader. You’re in a leadership position. And in order to lead first, you must learn to lead yourself. In order to lead others, you must first learn to lead yourself.
Now the good thing is that this is what we’ve been talking about all morning. Learning how to lead ourselves, learning how to be that example. At Protege, one of the things we talk about is the Darren Hardy story where he wrote down 3 pages of the perfect woman – what she looked like, what she smelled like, what she talked like, what she was like culturally, where she liked to eat, what she liked to drink – everything about this perfect woman. He then said to his mentor, “I know what I’m looking for in a perfect woman, where do I find her?”, and then his mentor said to him, “The question is not where do you find her, the question is who do you need to become to be worthy of that? Who do you need to become to attract someone of that calibre into your life?”, and I ask the same question to you guys. If we talk about raising funds, raising finance, bringing in bigger deals, bigger opportunities, if I talk to you about that, the question isn’t where do we find the money? Where do we find the deals? The question is who do you need to become or how do you need to be perceived by the market in order to be worthy of them bringing those deals, opportunities, that money to you? Does that make sense?
LIVING LIFE ON OUR TERMS
Okay, so leadership is living life on our terms. That’s the way I like to view leadership. Leadership is a state of absolute certainty, and this was Tony Robbins that said this, that leadership is the state of absolute certainty and we can create that. It’s like when Michael Jordon walked on the basketball court, did he walk out and go, “How you doing guys? You know, let’s see what happens here”, a bit hesitant, see how it flows, how we doing? No. He walked out there like he owned the building. Makes sense?
Leadership to me is walking in like you own the building. You see, people follow people who are going somewhere, and if leadership is a state of certainty, then we can create that state of certainty. What differentiates somebody who leads from somebody who doesn’t? Have you ever been in an environment where you’re doing some sort of team building in a job and somebody just becomes the natural default leader in the team? Nobody asked them to do it but they just seem to step up. You ever found that in the situation? What is it about that person that allowed them to do it?
Well, this is what Tony Robbins would argue. It’s that state of certainty. It’s that state of, “We can do this. I’ve got this. Let’s go.” I may be wrong but I’m never in doubt. It’s that certainty, that state of, okay, I’ve got this. I’m willing to take the hit for this. I’m willing to lead, let’s go. And that’s who we are, and it’s who we have to be. Who are you to talk on LinkedIn and give advice on business? Who are you? Who are you to share online? Who are you NOT to share online? What makes it that one person can be an authority on the subject online, and the other person wants to be? It’s that state of certainty. It’s having the goods to back it up to know what you’re talking about, and then just assuming that authority position, assuming that role. When people see you in that role, when people see you as the pre-eminent authority, the person who stands up and has the balls, lady balls as well, to stand up and say, Do you know what? Here is what I think. Not what I believe, what I know. Here is my stand. Here’s how this works. That’s when you endure the abuse, because when you take a stand on something, when you stand up and start talking, then people will start firing bullets. Yeah, bullets of shit.
CHANGE HOW YOU USE LANGUAGE
Okay, so how do we create this certainty? How do we create it? Well, your posture is a big part of it. Tony Robbins calls it the triad. The language you use to yourself, the way you use words, the kind of words you use to yourself to determine how you’re doing things. It’s like if you say, this guy’s is an absolute crook, then you’re going to feel a certain way about that guy. Whereas if you look at that guy and say, okay, what actually happened? Well, you know, he wasn’t very honest with me. Does that make him a crook? No. But if you use words like that, if you use language in a certain way, and you call someone a crook, or you say something, think about it, people have a problem and say, oh my God, it’s the end of the world. Really? Really? The world is going to end because you were late for an appointment? That’s not the end of the world, that’s an insignificant blip. So, how you use language will determine how you feel about the situation. The other part of the triad is focus. What you choose to focus on. Do you choose to focus on obstacles or opportunity? Do you choose to focus on moving forward or what happened back there? If you’re driving down the road, and your focus is in the rear view mirror, you’re driving at speed down the road, your focus is in the rear view mirror, how long will it take before you crash? Not very long. But the mirror exists so that you can now and then take a glance back and learn from what’s going on behind you, just as in life and business. You look ahead, you look where you’re going, you keep your eyes on the road, you cut the distractions and you go. And then you have a glance back now and then, just to make sure you know what’s going on behind you. Whereas what a lot of folk do is they drive through life looking in the rear view mirror, focusing on the past, focusing on what went wrong, focusing on problems. So, if we’ve got focus, if we’ve got language, third part is physiology. How you use your body. Now if I walked up to the front of this room, do I look certain in what I’m saying right now? Now what if I stood up here and kind of spoke like that, what if I was leaning forward? What if my tone was a bit more shallow, a bit more slower spoken? Would I have the same impact?
(You’d sound like you were speaking somebody else’s words.)
(Yeah, exactly, not authentic.)
Yep. Tony Robbins talks about it as being the difference between 2 millimetres, 2 millimetres in your chest. He says because when you’re standing here, and this is your posture, think about it. If you feel tired, your body corresponds to how you’re feeling, but it’s also been proven that how you hold your body tells your kind how you should be feeling. So if you’re kind of leaning over and tensing up and stuff like that, your mind is going to start thinking tired or stressed. Now if you use your body in a way that tells your mind, hey, I’m feeling good, I’m up. Think about it, when you want to shake yourself awake, what do you do? You sit up, don’t you? If you’re feeling tired, you sit up in your seat. Why? Because it’s a change in your physiology that tells your brain to wake up, right? He talks about 2 millimetres. Most folk have got the kind of dip in their physiology, ever so slightly, a wee bit forward. Does that make sense? He says, it’s the difference between, “Oh fuck”, and “Fuck you.” That’s the difference. Oh fuck and fuck you. Just that slight shift. And it’s funny because when you walk about after Tony Robins and you kind of hold yourself a bit higher, people will say to you, “Oh, is that a Tony Robins thing, you’re standing up straight now?” I’m fucking standing up straight because I’m human, you depressed fuck, get out of my life.
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